The blurb is as follows: This group is for anyone living with a disability or working on behalf of the disabled. Be that a person with a disability or a carer of a disabled relative or child. Those working within care, mobility, the medical field or disability support groups.

Bloggers only, no hate or sales blogs. This group is about experience, news and support.

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All blogs are checked by admin regularly. (mainly because we are interested and nosey around here.. hehe!)

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In todays podcast I discuss something of concern to me. Elitism within IMVU.com. For those of you unsure what IMVU is, it is basically a detailed virtual world, where people can create a virtual persona. They can dress up, have an apartment or portray themselves however they wish. There are group spaces, and user ran chat environments. 99.9 percent of the content (rooms, skins, clothing and other items) is contributed by developers. IE: users who buy the right to create content for other users to "buy". Items are bought Using either free credits, (given when you join, awarded for viewing new products, Playing a game called "free spin", or filing in web offers and surveys) most users buy credits with real currency. It is also possible to have an adult pass, and a vip account. Users may also buy their nickname. (Thus removing the guest prefix on your nick) All these account types are bought with real money.

for sometime now, I have seen a disgusting amount of elitism on IMVU as a whole. Basically, those who cannot afford accounts or to buy their nicknames are treated quite badly by the more active members of the IMVU community. The system itself allows for you to set your whole chat experience to ignore guest members, for a start! Please understand that some guests are annoying pervs and increasingly we have been seeing porn bots, but they are easy to spot and even more easily with by blocking or flagging. However, some people cannot afford fully fledged accounts. So, they stick with a guest nickname and buy credits when they can. Increasingly, guest users are treated as second class citizens. Surprisingly, this treatment is more often than not doled out by developers. Numerous times I have seen developers name calling against guest users. Perhaps at this stage I should explain a bit about how guest credits are handled by I M V U. When a guest uses free credits to buy an item in the I M V U catalogue, the developer only gets a token, worth very little. The profit margin is much smaller than that for paying members. Perhaps this is partly to blame for the differing attitudes. I understand that many folks make a living developing for sites but is THEIR choice. If IMVU gives them a raw deal, it is not the fault of the average user. STOP giving us attitude!


Where I see the most elitism, is in regard to the thorny issue of product rights. Some IMVU users want to see the introduction of a trading system, allowing them to trade items no longer want. Developers are horrified by this idea, saying it would lose them sales. They claim that as their items never age, degrade or get dirty, then they should not be made available for trade. Their fear seems to be, if trade is implemented then nobody will buy the items new. They also claim that the any item bought by an IMVU member, is not in fact there property, but effectively a licence to allow their avatar to wear said item. Understandably, most users including me, think this is an utterly ridiculous concept. When you buy an item in a shop, it is yours. You are then entitled to sell it or give it away as you wish. Why is IMVU not viewed in the same way? These developers expect the average user to swallow the idea that their hard earned cash only entitles them to effectively hire the clothing that there avatar wears!! Imagine if this was so in real life. We would all be running around like Mr. Benn!

Some devs (not all, I stress) seem to assume that it must be guest users who want free trade, seeing as "they want everything free" How dare they! To say such things is just barefaced snobbery. After all, not everyone takes IMVU as seriously as others. IMVU is a fun site, not a real world. Just because some folks dip in and out of IMVU for dress up fun or a quick chat. Doesn't make them less important in the IMVU community.

Doh! Again I didn't write it first, but anyway, here is my little basic guide to having a low budget Christmas. Hope you find it useful!

Click here or subscribe via the chicklets at the top right of the page

Sometimes I am so grateful for simple blessings. Example:

Having a man who doesn't connect fun with drinking.

Having a man who doesn't drink when he is taking me out anywhere.

The fact that my man is a retrogeek and therefore, blessedly easy to buy gifts for.

The fact that my man and me agree. Christmas is about gluttony and having fun. Not about fighting with family and being depressed because of it.

It's at this time of year, that I realise why I fell in love with him in the first place. He gives me EVERYTHING I have waited to find since I was a little girl. Security, love, fun, a sense of family and so much more besides. If you are wondering where this out pouring of love is coming from, well I'll tell ya. Last year, I was in too much pain to enjoy Christmas. I love it whatever, so I put a brave face on and tried to have a good time. Still we did not have the Christmas we had planned , at all. My man never judged when I fell asleep amid my sprouts, nor did he feel hard done by because I wasn't feeling well. He said it was enough that we were together.

Flash forward to this year, there is very little money to be had but yet: we CAN have the Christmas we had planned on. We are recreating our childhood Christmas's! Let's face it, we practically live in a bubble of nostalgia all year round anyway, why should Christmas be different? The idea, came from one of our earliest established Christmas traditions. We watch Christmas idents from years gone by. If you don't know that an ident is. Click the vid below, and enjoy



Yes, we are geeks are we don't care! we watch these every Christmas eve and get throughly misty-eyed. Anyway, the rules for this Christmas are simple:

1. Where possible source ORIGINAL items (from lists of things we remember getting as kids, provided early)

2. Set a respectable low top budget for each item. Not every item has retro appeal, regardless of what e-bay sellers will try.

3. Cosmetic damage is FINE! These things are old. Just look for the words "tested and working" or "Fully working order"

4. Where original items cannot be found, newer versions may be substituted. As long as the original design hasn't changed from the one you remember.

5. Stocking fillers may be new as long as you choose them, as if buying for a child born in the 70s

6. In the case of music: tapes and records are only good, if you already have something to play them on. CDs are fine. 80s hifis are a needless expense (unless you have money to burn) The music itself is where memories are stirred.

7. Sweets: Many retro sweets are still being made! At discount stores no less. Don't be precious, find em cheap. Online stores selling retro sweets are out there, just budget with care. Try http://www.aquarterof.co.uk/ They have every sweet from your memory, plus some you forgot!

8. Don't overspend for the sake of authenticity. Nuff said.


It's safe to say, I have never been so excited! It simply can't come round fast enough! We are both bouncing off the wall!! <33

Thanks to the good people at Mypodcast.com I now have a wonderful new podcast. In it, I plan to expand somewhat on blog entries. Talk about all the things I often touch on here. Comment on current events, news, music, gender and disability. Perhaps, even read out my movie/book reviews and poetry "live".

Subscription links can be found at the top right of this page, so add it to Google reader, iGoogle or MyYahoo. Each time I post a new pod, this magic link will appear, So don't worry about missing a thing! You can even sub by e-mail - wow the internet is shiny.

Subscribe in a reader

or click on http://dandystranger.mypodcast.com/index.html

I invite comment and suggestion. What would YOU like me to talk about? Here's hoping you enjoy it! <3

The party on Saturday passed without much event. It was sad though, I still get upset when I think about it. My father just wants us to move on without discussing anything fully. When he talked to us at the party, the conversation was terribly strained and safe. The truth is, we have hit a watershed. In finally expressing how I feel, I may have damaged my relationship with family for good. No regrets though, truthfully. Everything that was said, needed to come out. It was hard work FINDING things to talk about. In the end my OH and I talked to each other, eventually we left after a mere hour and a half.

I don't know why but that night, I was in AGONY. Everything seemed to hurt once I was in bed. I stayed awake all night. In the morning, even after my care shifted me, I was still in pain. In order to get any rest, I had to take a small over dose?! Tonight isn't shaping up much better, sometimes I despair of my care, I really do. EVERY night I have to remind the how to do my pillows, they have been coming to me for a year and they still haven't learned. How they position me at night, has a direct bearing on my pain levels. I find myself repeating the same damn instructions, day after day, after day. It's a bit of a dilemma though, because I really don't dislike my carers. The problem is, they are all late teens - early 20s. It really is like being a mum to a bunch of kids playing at being adults. I'm tired of baby sitting them. Fools and children, should never have that much power.

I do apologise, this post appears to be a bit moany. Don't worry dear reader -pets- things will pick up. Christmas gifts for my OH are starting to arrive, I'll be wrapping them tomorrow and the big Christmas "santa bag" tease begins, one of our cute Christmas traditions. Things are special this year, for reasons I will explain tomorrow. For now, I'll ask that you pay close attention to the next entry, it's AWESOMESAUCE!

and I shan't miss it. My advice, DON'T link your Facebook with your Twitter, it can land you in all kinds of trouble.

That's what I did and THAT'S what happened. I've always used my Twitter for ranting and my Facebook for communicating with family. Recently, after a particularly stressful meal with said family, I ranted about family on Twitter. Of course completely forgetting that it would come up on my FB! Consequently, the shit hit the fan!

I wrote a letter to them explaining why I was upset, shocked responses followed. I should explain that most of the feelings I expressed in it were not new. I'd tried for years to express them, but it had fallen on deaf ears. I've edited this entry, because I've decided that it's pointless going over it. The details are better left between my family and me. The short version is : Feeling negelected, not communicating and generally feeling like a bore to them.

Well, it seems from my Dad's reply, my family think I am a failure. They feel I could have tried harder in hospital. He blames his increasing reclusiveness on the fact we hardly see eachother, but added that he'd take me anywhere I want to go, all I have to do is ask. My argument remains - WHY do I have to do the asking? Why does seeing him have to involve going out? We can't afford to do much and what money we do have is going into Christmas now. Its his birthday party soon and it looks like I won't be able to go, because they haven't allowed for my care times. If I do go it won't be for long. -sigh- I shake my head, I really do. Of course, they will have a pop at me for not going but I don't have a choice. Glenn and I have been content to adapt our social lives to allow for me, as have all my friends. Why can't they?
(Turns out I can go, it's Saturday, during the day.)


I haven't had another reply from my Dad. Is he even speaking to me? Update soon I guess.

Gosh has it really been 4 weeks, I can't believe it!

I have no excuse other than I have been very busy. You'll be glad to hear that my headaches have gone, can I have a drumroll please... the culprit was - CAFFEINE! Yes, that lowly stimulant was making me a shadow of myself. What's strange is, drinking tea doesn't cause anything! I must look into this and get back to you dearest blog. I have a feeling that, it's to do with levels of said stimulant.  Anyway, decaff isn't so bad and I haven't been retired yet!

Talking of retiring, my mum is 60 today! (oooh, thank goodness she never goes to my website, she'd kill me for that lol!) She's actually far from retiring. She lives out in France,  with her (much younger and very lovely) husband. They are doing up a house and currently live in a very nice old farm house as it is. They aren't rich but they are happy, mum breeds Shar Pei's and her man is the local handyman and does contract work too. Anyway, the point of this lovely sharing moment is - I don't tell her often enough how proud I am of her.

 A few years ago, she had a horrible work injury and lost 3 fingers plus much of the use of her hand. Doctors tried and failed to combat her terrible pain. No drug was enough and mum was suffering horribly. Eventually they implanted electrodes in her brain, as a means to shut off the signals that tell her she is in pain. It really is amazing cutting-edge stuff. She has a box in her chest, doctors did initial tests to find out what level  of stimulation was most effective. Now, she lives a normal life. All except she can't go in some stores without setting off alarms and it sucks at airport security! I Googled to find an article (or web page) to help explain the surgery, all I found were medical journals. So, you'll have to make do with the site below. Sorry about that, it gives a basic overview anyway.

www.mesolimbic.com/article/electrodes-painrelief.html

Happy birthday mum. I love you dearly and whenever I have a bad day for pain, I think of you and your relentless positivity. You're a tonic, you really are.

In other news, my other half has lost his job. He was let go on the grounds of "excessive internet use" plus other stupidities as well. He and I both know this reason is a load of old bunk. The real reason is, he some time off. Firstly because I went into hospital and the other times he was genuinely sick. I do feel a bit bad, because my carers bring in every bug known to man. I always get colds and such too, so it may be my fault he lost his job. Sorry baby, you'll find something. He's been looking at retail lately and now, there is plenty of Christmas based work about.  More about that soon.

Wish us luck!

This time my head got so bad, I vomited. Another day in bloody bed. Tuesday, I am booking myself into the Drs. I can't take much more of this shit - apologies for swearing but gah, it's all too much.


-- Post From My iPhone

Hi kids! Have you missed me? Awww go on, you're just saying that?!

Apologies for the lack of posts, I have been ill. To be honest I knew they would have to arrive eventually - Sinus headaches. I seem to get them every year, at least twice. It used to be possible to predict them, but now it's anybodies guess when they will strike. It would help if I knew what caused them, really. All I know is, they knock me out and completely destroy my ability to function as a sentient human. Food makes me want to vomit, all I can manage is slip into a dark room and sleep.

MMmmm sleep... that sounds so good right now.. but I digress.


I had killer Sinus pain AND I'd ran out of Zydol (Slow release Tramadol) which is the drug that deals with my other pain. The result? No sleep last night... well ok 1 WHOLE hour, I know. I promise, I tried to spend it wisely. By the morning, I was so sore and frustrated that I cried. Didn't help that my care was 45 minutes late!

Actually, let me pause just here and share some fun, hee. Roll-up Roll-up and see 'cocktail women - takes so many drugs, yet she is alive and well! A true medical marvel!! *cymbal crash* Every day, she ingests:-

80 Mg Baclofen
1600 Mg Ibuprofen
300 Mg Gabapentin
200 Mg Zydol (Modified slow release Tramadol)
............
For current sinus:-

Flixonase Nasal Spay
Sudafed Nasal Spray (Top-up only when needed)

Yes, you read that right. to deal with Sinus, I have to use two nasal sprays and even then it still hurts. That list is shocking to me, not to make light of others who are on a lot of meds, of course. It just saddens me, I have to take all that crap simply to function on a normal day, It's insane.  (Interestingly: I have learned that Zydol can cause an increase in pressure in the brain - headaches?) The good news is: I feel tons better now, despite being exhausted!

I must give a shout out to my Repo family at this point. We Twittered for many hours last night. For them, it was normal. For me, it was the difference between  UTTERLY despairing and seeing the light! I LOVE YOU GUYS! 

Click: http://www.zydrate.com/

Everybody knows digg.com but it wasn't until recently that I took the plunge and joined.

The very first article I read, was about the hacking of singles.org, a Christian dating site. It seems that the site used a string query system of some sort. Now, I'm not as tech savvy as I would like to be but from what I understand, hacking these sites is easy for those in the know, because each member is assigned a number. Apparently, if a hacker attaches random numbers to the query eventually it is possible to gain access to people's accounts without being authenticated. All the users passwords and other details, were stored on a SINGLE text file. This was paydirt to the hackers. They (rightly) figured, people use the same password for nearly every place they go online. Paypals, Facebooks and eBay accounts where hacked and well, you can imagine the rest!

Read the article here

Before you panic, dear reader. Understand that the system the site used was old and frankly, their programmer should have been shot for implementing it in the first place. However, there are still sites out there using these old database systems to store YOUR information. My basic tips for password security are:

1. DON'T use the same pass for everything.

2. When choosing a password, use a mix of lowercase letters, uppercase letters and digits.

3. If you use Outlook, Express, Thunderbird or any other computer based e-mail program - Don't store password reminder emails - read and delete them.

4. Change passwords regularly.

5. Make your passwords hard to guess, but easy for YOU to remember (I know, right)

6. regularly clean out your cache, cookies and stored passwords.

7. Download a password safe.


What is a password safe?

It's basically just what it says on the tin - a database program that stores, generates and encrypts all your passwords (and their associated sites) for you. All you have to do, is log on to the program once using a master password.

How do I use my passwords once they are stored?

You set a hotkey when fist creating your database(eg - Alt+X+Z)
Upon arriving on a site, use your hotkey combination to enter your password into the site and you will be logged on. There are other ways of doing it too. Such as, using copy and paste or clicking 'Autotype' in your programs options. No need to store passwords on your browser, or type them in manually. Best of all, it's much more secure and encrypted.

What password safe programs and available and are they free?

Clicking the link above, will take you to the Google search that I did. There seems to be two trusted password safe programs out there, both of them operate in pretty much the same fashion and both are free.

Password safe - create a database by clicking 'New', Choose a masterpass and begin entering (or generating) your new passwords. After that simply save, set your hotkey combination and you're good to go (My thoughts: Some passwords I saved got wrongly entered into sites, or the program didn't input anything at all. Perhaps I was doing something wrong? It felt confusing and fiddly, so I uninstalled it.  That said, It has the respect of many users and rates highly on all download sites.)

KeePass - Pretty much the same as Password Safe but IMO cleaner, easier to use and It worked straightaway.

I have all my important passwords saved and I can tell you kids, I feel much happier knowing that my passes are secure. Of course, if you use any of these programs don't be like me and forget your masterpass...hehe!  Make it something you can remember.

There are more ways of keeping your computer clean and purring happily. I'll post about them soon.

Oh you mean, that invisible source that nobody can tap into right now? Yeah, we haven't got any. It sucks be be beyond words.  I had to dip into my savings,  to ensure that the rent would get paid... Not good. I hate our council... really do.

Onto more fun stuff: I opened a discussion on blogcatalog , because I was curious about what people thought "bi-gender" meant. The ensuing debate has been interesting. Most people thought that it was a sex thing, some where smart enough to separate sex and gender.


www.blogcatalog.com/discuss/entry/what-does-the-word-bi-gender-mean-to-you#

I'm thrilled I have started this, I hope to learn a lot and gain new friends.

I'm slowly adding all my best work going back as far as 1995! I wont keep posting them all now, or else I will clog up friends pages. More in the next few days! Hope you like them.

You and I are small-time elegant crooks.
Our smiles, the perfect crime.
We were never lovelier.
In that moment, we hoodwinked them all.

I'll start the car now?
Shake the clip..
I think we should go home…

For E.B

She let the wind touch her; kiss her with a slight upward turn of her jaw. The darkness had fallen long ago and dusk was waiting in the wings to lift her, in the final controlled limp fall – held until the cheers of silence fade away.

She was aware of no one but the whisper on her shoulder, the voice that was life’s own sweetness - The truth. Her every muscle aware of it’s pained place in this music less duet. Her partner pushed her to believe, to move.

Was than that she ran, leaping with the stars. Her freedom a trade, fading as her fingers touched them. Her elegant line, a line of hope, breathing as she ran – fast and stricken. The world bending and changing, how fate would shape it.

The shadows came out to hold her. The whisper bent to kiss her, dusk gave way to brilliance. In it’s hold, they were lifted - like moths to a flame. All at once the two became the flame. Consumed now, so that they may consume.

Complete.

This thing that I tap away at is not a piece of writing, rather a verbal vomit. I hate it when there’s nothing, so I write about the nothingness. When I bury myself in a well-written book, then and only then, do I feel the need to write. My muse stops being my own, and my narratives begin to reflect that which I read.

There is hope of course, that I will become infamous for writing books and books about the death of my muse. That I shall appear on cable TV recounting the bloody crime scene, “Some names have been changed.” Maybe I pushed her off the train that day. That is for me to know and for you to find out.

Mine is a pattern – Buzz, write, stop, dump. Got that, rinse and repeat as desired. My muse comes knocking, being supportive and sweet. We embark on an exciting trip together and words pour out of us… then we come up against dry land, all ashore who’s going ashore. There we are, stranded on a desert island. She skips off to collect shells, in which she can hear the sea but I cannot. That magic is lost on me because I’m to busy trying to flag down a damn boat.

It is a once in a lifetime thing. So akin to the moment; you breathe after a mint. There's a truth that is felt - purity.
For that one moment, you cannot deny you are alive.

With you, I am bathed and cleansed. In this cocktail of imperfections,
a combination of that which we both are - our breath.

I choose to drown, let me go.

He stood in the darkness, looking into the half opened doorway. She slept there. The night breeze from the broken windowpane shifted his long untamed curls onto his face, his serene death mask. Broken glass seemed to crunch under his feet as he moved to enter the room where his prize lay.

She looked like a dead thing lying there, only the slight flutter of her eyelids and the tell tale rise and fall of her ribs, betrayed her life. The moonshine cast a glittered wash over the bed linen. Her blonde hair a matted wreck, stuck to the hollow, sad little cheek streaked as it was, with a Kohl-tinged trail of tears. He knelt on his haunches; let the sweetness of her breath kiss his senses. Longing for contact was just too much and he closed his gaze of her, just for a moment.

”Sleep, “ He whispered “sleep where I cannot. Breathe for us both, give this thing life” In his distress he fell back; his back finding the wall, yet there was no sound that might wake her. She did naught but moan through the lips that haunted him. Plump, red and close enough to cause him agony. Wringing his hands through his hair, he sat crumpled
” I am here, “ It was his mind that spoke now, reaching into her dreams “always here, where else can this ghoul be? I am but a place memory now. Your marker my love” His fingers reached her hair and he breathed an empty breath, with the last of what he was he was able to feel that simple golden strand. Soon though, it was gone to him again.

Weakness was washing over him, the world bending, fading. “Remember me and live…remember…”

Naught but blue….

You know how sometimes, you can have can have an oddly deluded view of yourself? No? Well, I think perhaps I do.

Well, I made it to Sunday unscathed. Hasn't been too bad in all although, we haven't gone out as I wanted to. However, I've eaten like a pig and there is still Pizza left, so I'll probably eat that later.  As to my hair... not done yet. My friend is extremely late. I'm a little worried. If and when it gets done, I'll post pics.